Dying record
It was near dusk when I arrived. I was in a daze. Paper money was flying all over the mountains. Paper money was scattered and mixed with clusters of small flames. This trip was to the grave, but it was the end of the world for two people. When I was in front of my grandfather’s grave, I decided to go to the mountain to see the smoke from the phosphate fertilizer plant flying over the lush fields and rushing into the sky. The excavator roared in front of me. Every grave was singing fast children’s songs. It is necessary to forgive me that artists who do paper work have been rare in recent years. Plastic lanterns in good toy stores can no longer replace reality.
Dear grandfather, at this time last year, you and I pushed a glass for a change. Come back to the top of the mountain this year to increase the number of wild flowers in front of a grave. This situation is just like what I heard in the past: the mountains are in the water, the stones are in the family, and you are not there.
I’ve come here to tell you two things. One thing is that the river diverted into the small river in our town. This long-dried river has revived and roared day and night. From a distance, it looks like an angry lion. The second thing is simple. I’m still stepping on the same steps and getting more and more ashamed. Where is it like you prepared food for yourself day and night before you die? The good wine is a big meal. I ask you that you told me that I never owed a meal and never owed a death.
However, it seems that I am still successful. You hope that if that person comes to ask me, I am afraid that when I come, the car will hear the song and answer that genius is not genius, bad or bad enough. I want to leave every day, but I don’t know where I can be reborn.
I said that I couldn’t catch up with your dying moment at the beginning, but since the people present have repeatedly described it, I should also know it by heart. At midnight, you woke up from a coma and knew that your time was near. You didn’t cry or shout, but you calmly told everyone that I saw many ghosts.
God knows if you really saw a lot of ghosts, whether it’s real or illusory, or whether there are always people present who can’t help but watch you take on your final fate. A lot of ghosts are carrying my bag and dragging my clothes. You continue to talk. Suddenly, you yell at everyone in front of the bed, but you are as weak as ever. You all go and I’ll deal with them.
I checked out at the door for two or three minutes without disobeying your will, instead of other people in front of the bed, Nuo Nuo. I immediately pushed the door and pushed in, and you drove the crane to the west. The sudden call of command became the last sentence you said to others.
In Tianling, you probably already know that before you died, you were almost a little strange among your relatives and friends, but you were oppressing me inexplicably. You know that it is no easier to live than to die. I have read and written so many words over the years, and I look around him day after day, and I firmly believe that those imaginations are really among them, that is, one of them holds me to his chest, and I will disappear in his strength.
This is Rilke’s poetry, and there are more people and more poems. I care about them, but what do I care about? I shut my mouth in front of their mouths. In many moments, they are actually evil influence standing in front of me, blocking my way to them, while Biyan Record remembers this passage: Sakyamuni was born, and he looked at the clouds one by one, and every day I was the only one who respected Yunmen Road. If I saw a stick and killed a dog, it would be expensive and peaceful.
Dear grandfather, you should understand what I mean at this point. Actually, I mean that ghosts are still dead in reality in illusion. When they come back and forth, you are not others. First, you are far away. First, you are close at hand. Rilke will disappear. Then, you will change your mind. Holding a dog stick, Yunmen is still angry. Born, you reach out and be merciful. I speculate on a thing. It is guiding you to look up and see the door. Even if you meet Buddha, your dying body will not be covered by evil influence. I am looking for it. Can you tell me where it is
It’s already dark, you and I don’t talk much, but you know that I have to move on. I can’t get to the top of another mountain on foot of this mountain, and it stretches at the foot of the mountain to the edge of the bush. It’s so hypocritical to read poems at my aunt’s grave, but I still remember Elizabeth Bishop’s sentence that tears still hit the rain beads on the roof during the autumnal equinox. Both things are said, but being a grandmother is white.
No, don’t grow up with her because of her father. She is his sister’s mother, and I grew up with her. She is my aunt’s grandmother’s father. In my life, we will love many people, like each other and his granddaughter. My daughter is a thing that has long been predestined. Our initial love comes from the woman buried in this grave in front of us.
In the grave, this woman lost her father at the age of five and her mother at the age of nine. She had spent several winters barefoot before being raised by her grandfather. She was a little older, married early and had a lot of children, and each had a hard time.
In her forties, she lost her grandchild. A few years later, the grandchild finally saved her life by touching the high-voltage line, but she was forced to amputate her limb all night. It was on that day that I saw her cry for the first time.
Speaking of her life, she was not only a few pairs of blue jackets, but also a good cook. People in the surrounding villages and towns all know the bodhisattva’s heart. Those foreigners who repair umbrellas and make up pots have never eaten her cooking. However, this bodhisattva’s heart is not a perfect match, but it is a great silence all her life.
No matter I or many neighbors think of her, the impression is that she almost never speaks. For decades, her face has always been smiling. Besides this smile, she never used it in her body. When she was dying, I braved the heavy snow and went back to her bed. When she said something, I was hit.
When she saw clearly that it was me in front of her eyes, she cried loudly and said, My son, you came back to see me.
She has never spoken in this way in her life, and she can speak in this way. When she finished, she closed her eyes and gasped. Not only the people in my room were shocked for a short time, but also the later generations cried.
In the past, everyone knew that there was more pain in her heart than a little bit, but one piece was suffering one by one. We all forgot that we hated everyone for being poor, but we didn’t expect that one piece was still there. She was so easy that we forgot that it was only when we left the world that she accidentally revealed her flaws.
Behind the flaw is that she is barefoot, widowed, middle-aged and repeatedly dystocia. How many words are devoted to various bodhisattvas, but no bodhisattva can return her a lotus flower? All these have a common name. Their name is aunt.
That afternoon, my aunt cried until late, and suddenly she said that she wanted to eat grapes. All the aunts in the world said that they wanted to eat grapes when they were dying.
My cousin rode a motorcycle nonstop to the county town overnight to buy grapes. I knew that if she could see the heavy snow outside, she would definitely keep her mouth shut. Thank God, we bought grapes from the county town, and the snow on the road became heavier and heavier. The muddy mountain road almost stopped, so that we could push the motorcycle forward step by step.
Snowflakes hit my face at night and I stumbled with grapes, but I comforted myself. I’m not walking at this moment, but I’m walking in my aunt’s career. You see, the snow is everywhere and the mountain road is still falling down. Finally, they all have to be silent. They have to tear them away to get the virtue of patience from their hearts and lungs. I won’t know until I get back to her bed in the middle of the night that my aunt died in silence with her soon after our door. On the mountain road, I didn’t even know that I was burying my head. I want to decide something. It is guiding us to stop being sad and dying
Zidengji
The day before I left Tokyo, the bad cold and pollen allergy finally stopped. Although the cool breeze blew, I still had a splitting headache, but I couldn’t tell whether it was important or not. I still took the bus to the mansion. There were few people in the car, and I saw you along the way. Fifteen years ago, there was no difference between high-rise buildings and small shops. The noise of election cars was indifferent one by one, and cherry blossoms all over the world were killing like people with dead hearts.
Only when I got to the mansion, when the car went out, the station suddenly remembered the autumn cherry blossom tune, and my heart still trembled for a moment.
Fifteen years ago, I used to know nothing about this car every day. Once I set those memories lurking in my body in Little Square, they all came back to life in an instant. To the east, it was Green Town, to the west, it was Sunny Town, and further afield, it was God Town and Mei Town.
I’m going to Fenmei Town, and I don’t know if it’s melodramatic. I’m going there to find a lamp.
The lamp hung half a person high at the entrance of a narrow god. Because it was wrapped in purple oil paper, it shone purple all night. Every rainy night, the light and shadow scattered in the rain and fog, and it looked like a call. Even if it was far away, I always wanted to run two steps to get close to it.
At the pavilion where the purple light shines at the entrance of God, I go there almost every two or three days to talk to the country. At night when it rains or snows, there will always be some passers-by in twos and threes in the eaves of God, but there are also passers-by in China, so that I can hear the people on the eaves speak Chinese while chatting, and of course I want to talk a few words, but I still haven’t.
It should have been around Christmas. At that time, although Tokyo was not caught in heavy snow and rain as usual, it was raining all day for half a month. When I returned to the government from my work place that night, it was almost midnight. Finally, I couldn’t resist making a message in the kiosk, but it broke down. I didn’t dial me for a long time to push the door, but I was stopped by a person.
The other party said it was Chinese, and told me directly that the weather was too cold. If I had money, he wanted to ask me to buy some wine to drink. I didn’t know him, and then he told me that he knew I was from China because he heard me shouting angrily, feed, feed.
At that time, I was at the end of my rope in Tokyo, and finally made up my mind to return home. I had told myself many times in my heart that once the road was ready for a minute, don’t stop and go home immediately.
But I don’t know what happened this night. Maybe it was because of some inexplicable resentment. Maybe it was because of we are both unhappy — to the sky’s end. I didn’t feel sorry for myself. I had a little money left in my pocket. I promised the person who asked me for money to buy wine, and I also agreed to buy the wine first and then drink it together here.
He obviously didn’t expect to smile and even promise to spread the halo through the purple light at this time. Only then did I see that his eyes were actually broken and I couldn’t see anything. I didn’t think much about rushing to an indulgence. Since his eyes couldn’t see, I ran to the corner and didn’t have a door. At last, a small shop paid for wine.
Speaking of which, I’m still a good young player, regardless of the knife.